The Christmas Movie Debate with Brett Bayn‪e‬

In this holiday bonus episode of the Direct Examination Podcast, hosts Amber Fulmer, Dane Phillips, and Joseph Bias are joined by returning guest Brett Bayne—civil defense litigation attorney at McAngus Goudelock & Courie and head coach of the University of South Carolina School of Law Mock Trial team. Brett presents his official, highly opinionated 2020 Top 10 Christmas Movies list. The panel debates the legitimacy of non-traditional holiday picks (Die Hard 2, Rocky IV), evaluates new releases (Fatman), critiques disqualified films (Iron Man 3, Batman Returns), and confronts Amber’s intense hatred for the holiday classic Elf.

Key Debates & Highlights

  • The Elf Controversy:

    • Brett demoted Elf from #1 (2019) to #2 (2020), jokingly claiming that placing Elf at #1 last year caused the 2020 coronavirus pandemic.

    • Amber passionately detests Elf, calling Will Ferrell’s portrayal annoying and declaring its inclusion above A Muppet Christmas Carol an “offense to childhood.”

  • Non-Traditional Christmas Action Movies:

    • Brett defends Rocky IV (Balboa vs. Drago in Moscow on Christmas) and Die Hard 2 as legitimate holiday films.

    • Dane and Joseph debate whether Hook is effectively a modern-day retelling of It’s a Wonderful Life.

  • The 8 Crazy Nights Mix-Up:

    • Amber accidentally refers to Adam Sandler’s animated Hanukkah movie 8 Crazy Nights as “12 Crazy Nights”, prompting Brett and Dane to call out the extra 50% addition to the holiday.

  • The Hosts’ Personal #1 Christmas Movies:

    • Dane: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

    • Amber: Three-way tie (Home Alone, Christmas Vacation, A Muppet Christmas Carol)

    • Joseph: Home Alone

  • UofSC Law Mock Trial Advocates:

    • Brett shouts out elite Mock Trial program alumni, including Megan Rudd (clerk for Judge Joseph Anderson), Carson Pedro (Florida state prosecutor), Colin Spangler, Chris Pascal, and Jacob Godwin.

Transcript

Amber Fulmer: Welcome y’all to the Direct Examination Podcast! My name is Amber Fulmer.

Dane Phillips: I’m Dane Phillips.

Joseph Bias: And I’m Joseph Bias! We are wishing you all a happy holidays, Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, or whatever it is you celebrate!

Amber Fulmer: I wouldn’t have been offended if you called me an elf! (laughs)

Dane Phillips: I’m jolly enough to be Santa Claus!

Joseph Bias: Today we have a special holiday bonus episode. As our listeners know, we like to skew silly sometimes. Joining us today is our unofficial fourth host, Brett Bayne!

Amber Fulmer: Our guest today is Brett Bayne! Brett is an attorney with McAngus Goudelock & Courie, a top-ranked Legal Elite litigator, and the head coach of the University of South Carolina School of Law Mock Trial team. Welcome, Brett!

Brett Bayne: Thanks for having me, guys.

Joseph Bias: Brett, you have a running annual tradition of releasing a definitive, ranked list of the Top 10 Christmas Movies. Explain why you started this list and run us through 10 to 1 for 2020!

Brett Bayne: The war on Christmas movies was needed, so I declared it. It started years ago as a very serious list compiled by a committee of at least one person. The goal is simple: when your family is arguing over what to watch on Christmas, you start at #1 and work your way down until everyone is satisfied.

Here is the official 2020 Top 10:

  • #10: A Muppet Christmas Carol – Re-entered the top 10 for the first time since 2013.

  • #9: Home Alone – The ultimate kid-defense classic.

  • #8: The Santa Clause – Teaches children to always read the fine print in contracts.

  • #7: Die Hard 2 – Set in D.C. on Christmas Eve, one year after Nakatomi Plaza.

  • #6: Rocky IV – Occurs on Christmas Eve in Moscow; an exercise in American exceptionalism.

  • #5: Santa Buddies: The Search for Santa Paws – Features talking dogs searching for Santa Paws and a homeless dog named “Tiny” who sings a Christmas miracle.

  • #4: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – The gold standard of family holiday dysfunction.

  • #3: Jingle All the Way – Arnold Schwarzenegger hunting for Turbo-Man; peak holiday satire.

  • #2: Elf – Dethroned from #1. Last year we put Elf at #1 and then COVID-19 happened. So the committee righted the ship.

  • #1: Die Hard – Reclaims its crown. John McClane at Nakatomi Plaza, and his wife’s name is Holly—the most Christmas name possible!

Dane Phillips: Hold on. How does Die Hard 2 make #7, but Christmas Vacation is down at #4? Christmas Vacation is the quintessential Christmas movie!

Brett Bayne: Christmas Vacation is phenomenal, Dane, but Die Hard and Jingle All the Way operate on a higher cinematic tier for holiday spirit.

Amber Fulmer: Brett, I have a massive issue with this list. I hate the movie Elf! I cannot stand it!

Joseph Bias: (gasps) Amber! Explain yourself!

Amber Fulmer: I love Will Ferrell, but I cannot stand Elf. It is an insult to childhood classics that Elf is sitting at #2 while A Muppet Christmas Carol is scraped down at #10! And where is 8 Crazy Nights?

Brett Bayne: Amber, earlier you called it “12 Crazy Nights”. You tried to add 50% more nights to Hanukkah! (laughs)

Dane Phillips: (laughs) You added four extra crazy nights!

Amber Fulmer: Look, Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah movie deserves respect! But Elf is just plain annoying. I don’t like Zooey Deschanel in it, and I turn it off every time it comes on.

Joseph Bias: What about non-traditional Christmas movies? What about Iron Man 3 or Hook?

Brett Bayne: Iron Man 3 is a date-sequence movie—Christmas happens during it, but the plot isn’t driven by Christmas. Unlike Die Hard, where John McClane only flies to L.A. because of his wife’s office Christmas party. As for Hook, Hook isn’t a Christmas movie, but it is effectively a modern-day retelling of It’s a Wonderful Life set in Neverland.

Joseph Bias: Mind blown.

Dane Phillips: Let’s go around the room. What is everyone’s personal #1 Christmas movie?

Dane Phillips: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It’s about family, lights, chaos, and Chevy Chase at his peak.

Amber Fulmer: It’s a three-way tie for me: Home Alone, Christmas Vacation, and A Muppet Christmas Carol.

Joseph Bias: Home Alone. It’s the perfect mix of nostalgic childhood wish-fulfillment, adult humor, and slapstick comedy.

Brett Bayne: All solid choices—even if Amber refuses to accept the supremacy of Die Hard and Elf.

Joseph Bias: Brett, thank you so much for joining us for our holiday bonus episode! Everyone can follow Brett on Twitter @BrettHBayne to submit their applications for the Christmas Movie Committee.

Amber Fulmer: Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to all of our listeners!

Dane Phillips: Stay safe, enjoy the holidays with your families, and we’ll see y’all in 2021!

Joseph Bias: Follow us on Twitter and Facebook @SCLawPod, Dane @SCCrimLawyer, Amber @RedJudicata, and Joseph @JosephPBias. Happy Holidays, everyone!